Someone received a message from me and at the bottom after my name I always put The Heart Whisperer™ and Director of The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace. I got the following message back from one man:

Sounds good.

But how do you teach seduction?

I learned from Playboy.

(A lot of good it did me)

Here’s my response to him:

There’s an art to seduction. When a woman is being blatently sexy, she’s not being seductive. And when a man is just trying to get into a woman’s panties, that’s not seduction. Watch some old Carey Grant movies. A man who honors who a woman is, who is respectful, playful in a gentlemanly way, who takes his time with each step of the process of seduction, is what a woman will want. When I used to teach my sex workshops I brought in a panel of men or women, depending on the gender of the audience. Whenever I asked the women what I should tell the men, they always said to tell them to SLOOOOOOW down.

Obviously, there’s more to it than that, but hopefullly you get my drift. There’s an entire community online called PUA. Stands for Pick Up Artists. That is definitely not seduction.

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Whisperer™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com
KaraOh.com

I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose. On page 88 he talks about how we play rolls to attract someone to “make me happy, make me feel special, make me feel complete.” The problem with rolls is that we’re not showing a man our true, authentic self. So if he falls in love with your role, it won’t last. But most likely, because your energy is not “clean” but kind of muddy, he most likely won’t be interested.

I have no desire to guide women to be “in a relationship. ” I only have an interest in guiding women to be in a GREAT relationship. If you are hoping a man will make you happy, you will never be satisfied. That’s because happiness can only come from inside you. Until you understand that, and want it bad enough to do whatever you can to make that a reality, you will always be seeking, never knowing how good life can be.

Here are a few snippits from Let The Real You Shine Through, my self-guided course, and Step #4 in my Dating Success System. It’s designed to help you glow brightly, as your most authentic self. Bottom line? The happier you are, the brighter you will glow and the brighter you glow, the more quality men you will attract.�

Here’s an excerpt from Let The Real You Shine Through:

Definition of Woman Energy: Woman Energy is the energy that flows through each woman, allowing her to feel love, sensuality, sexuality, nurturing and the exuberance for life, joy, happiness and spiritual adventure. When any part of this energy is stuck a woman will not feel fully alive. To the degree she’s not feeling fully alive, she is going to be invisible or even repulsive to men.

The primary goal of this course is for you to unblock your Woman Energy so you become the most attractive you’ve ever been, even more than when you were in your 20s. When your Woman Energy is flowing smoothly you will actually glow. That’s what will cause men to be drawn to you. I call it your G.L.O.W. Flow…

You don’t know it yet, but if your Glow Flow isn’t all it can be then you cannot love and be loved, at least not to the degree you would like. On the flip side of that is something just as troubling: if your Glow Flow isn’t radiating men won’t be attracted to you. They see you as an individual, but they don’t really notice you, which means they can’t see you as a potential mate. They need to be attracted for that to happen. Men need to feel your Glow Flow pulsating out toward them. Otherwise, it’s almost as if you’re invisible. They aren’t aware that all this is going on, and they don’t need to be. You do. You’re in charge of your Glow Flow and my goal is to help you get it dusted off, polished shiny-bright, and radiating like never before in your life.

Throughout time the heart has been used as a metaphor and symbol of love. What I can do for you is to gently guide you to awaken your ability to open your heart so your soul mate can find you and your life can be fuller, freer and filled with love. Once you’ve accomplished that, you’ll be the kind of woman men notice… in all the ways you want. And even more important, you’ll be happier.

You Are Most Attractive When You Are Happy and Fulfilled

When your Glow Flow starts flowing you’ll notice that you step a little livelier, you smile more often and life seems a bit more sparkly. And you’ll also notice men looking at you with newfound interest. When you get your Glow Flow moving at full throttle, you’ll be truly magnificent.�

I hope this helps you be more inspired to make your own happiness, real, true, authentic happiness, your top priority. Then you won’t be “needing” a man, you’ll want one for all the right reasons. And believe me, this change alone will completely transform how men respond to you. Neediness repels men, wanting them draws them to you. It’s all up to you…

Find out about this life transforming self-guided course here, but I recommend you to Step #1 (which is F R E E and Step #2 (which will teach you the core basics of smart dating). Let The Real You Shine Through�

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Whisperer™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

KaraOh.com

One of the things I’ve noticed is that when women over 35 get back into the dating scene they get way too serious. It’s like they’ve taken on this mission and to accomplish it, they have to grit their teeth, put their head into the wind, and plow forward. Come on, think about it, haven’t there been times when that’s what dating feels like? Gotta get the goal,  gotta get the man. How fun is that? You know it wears you out, and that’s why you quit trying, or at least, take some time off.

To help you lighten your outlook on dating, would you please try being playful as an experiment. Attitude colors every one of your experiences, each and every day. So here’s what I suggest you do. Sit quietly and think about going on a date, or getting started dating if you haven’t yet taken the leap. Notice how that feels in your body. Is there a sense of dread or excited anticipation? Does it feel like work or does it lighten your spirit?

Now imagine how the thought of going on a date can be turned into a sense of fun. Imagine being a little girl and going on a treasure hunt. Dating can be like that.

Make a list of what treasures you might find: Make a new friend, an opportunity to laugh, learn a new bit of useful or interesting information, enjoy the thrill of first touch, explore a new peek at who you can be? What can you find on your treasure hunt? Make a list of possibilities, then imagine going on a date with that girlish anticipation of what you’ll discover. Feel it in your body, then when you go on your next date, allow those feelings to guide you to all the treasures that are waiting for you.�

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Whisperer™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

…Without Taking Over His “Job” Of Being the Man

One thing I’ve learned in talking to men over the years is that when the woman makes the first move, it puts things on the wrong foot from the beginning… and it’s hard to get it back to where it would have been if he’d made the first move. But, and this is a big one, most men need about a 90% sure sign that you’re not going to turn him down if he approaches you.

Therein lies the dilemma. How do you get his attention, give him the “it’s okay”, not lose out on the opportunity, without jumping in and taking over his job? Well, there are 3 things that will definitely work:

1. You’re Out And About. (Work, party, coffee shop, etc.)
The Man’s Job: Approach you.
Your Job: Let him know you find him attractive and that’s safe for him to approach.

The best way to do that is to do the “Eye Thing”. This is how you do it: Look at him until he looks at you, then hold your gaze longer than you want to, then look down. Then, in a few moments, look at him again. If he’s looking at you, hold the gaze again, smile ever so slightly, then look down. If he isn’t looking at you, wait until he looks again, then do those things I just mentioned. Keep catching his eyes, without overdoing it, using your feminine wiles until he comes over to talk to you. If he doesn’t, that means you aren’t his type (noting personal), he’s got a date, or he’s involved. But you both probably had a good time enjoying the flirting energy.

2. He Has Finally Approached You.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your job: Encourage him when he has approached you.

When he comes over, smile (but not a huge smile, a feminine smile), be gracious, look him directly in the eyes when he speaks to you, be interested, find an opportunity to touch his arm or his shoulder but not in any s e x ual way; maybe when you laugh or he says something fascinating. Ask questions about him (but not the kind that would make him feel like you’re sizing up his qualifications, like what kind of work he does or what kind of house he owns) If men are successful, they’ll let you know soon enough because they want to impress you. Use the “Tell me more” phrase.

When you part, if you haven’t made a date, DO NOT contact him. If you do, you’ve taken over his job. If he never contacts you, then let go of your expectations and quit hoping he’ll call. And don’t start assuming he’s a worthless no-account. If he’s that attracted, he’ll contact you. And don’t you want a man who is so attracted that he can’t stop thinking about you? (Blatant Sales Pitch: Get my course, “Let The Real You Shine Through” so you will know how to be unforgettable.)

3. You’re Thrown Together At A Gathering.
The Man’s Job: To get your contact information or ask you out on a date.
Your Job: To let him know you’re attracted, make him feel safe so he’ll ask you out.

How to casually start a conversation when you’re “thrown together”:

a. When you meet at a party, wedding or any occasion where you were invited

One good thing about meeting a new man at a party is that you probably both know the host and/or hostess. That gives you something in common which makes it easy for you to ask how you know “Bob” or “Alice.” It’s always okay for you to start a conversation at this type of event. If you see an attractive man, you can work your way over to where he is and ask a question. Most people are relaxed in this type of setting so parties are a great place to meet someone new.

b. When you meet for the first time in a business setting

This is a little trickier but you can still “be the woman.” Men love to be the problems solvers, have all the answers, impress you. So if you ask him to explain, clarify or add to whatever the topic is, he’ll see you in a different light than just another colleague, or worse, someone he feels in competition with. You have to ask him as a woman, with the energy that will transmit our interest to him. This is where Let The Real You Shine Through will really help.

c. When you’re standing in line at a coffee shop, the market, etc.

This is an easy way to start a conversation. Don’t complain in any way because that is veering over toward ugly behavior. Instead, make a neutral comment like, “I don’t come here very often. Is it always this popular?” Popular is a positive word, crowded could be seen as negative. After he answers, say, “It has really fun energy.” This makes you seem fun. Can you see the subtlety of this? It takes practice but if you pay attention to what you’re saying, and your intent, you’ll start getting good at coming across as a different kind of woman than those most men usually meet.

d. When you sit next to him at a lecture, class, any gathering

First, do your best to sit next to an attractive man. You can’t always make this happen, but you can talk before, after and if there’s a break.

The simplest thing is to ask him a question about the upcoming topic, how he came to be interested in that topic, etc. Starting a conversation at these kind of events is easy and generally, if you’re good at remembering that your job is to make him feel comfortable, and you’re fun, interested and interesting, the odds are he’ll ask to see you again.

For all 3 of these opportunities to be open and available to his approach, remember to be feminine, soft, interested, interesting, fun and positive. Look for an opportunity for him to be your hero (by helping you with something or answering a question), and relax and enjoy the dance that we call flirting. If you get at all aggressive, you’re taking over his job, if you get needy, you are scary. So just relax, see what happens, and if he doesn’t ask for your number or doesn’t ask to see you again, don’t take it personally. But do use it as an opportunity to learn. The more you do this the better you’ll get.�

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Whisperer™

KaraOh.com
Kara Oh
Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

There are some really simple ways to get a man’s attention and cause him to want to get to know you. I talk about these in my newsletters and articles at Dating Success Technology.com on a regular basis. But I thought it would be fun, and maybe drive the point home in a more powerful way, to tell you how you can turn men off, guaranteed. Clearly, this is all tongue-in-cheek, but it’s still the truth.

5 Ways To Turn Men Off:

1) Slouch. One of the quickest, easiest ways to look completely unattractive, to actually be repellent, is to slouch. When you stand up straight and proud you say, “I’m confident, comfortable with who I am, and I’m worth getting to know.” When you slouch you’re saying, “I’m not worthy of your notice, I’m insecure, ignore me, treat me as a second-class citizen.” What man will be interested in that. Plus, you send great energy when you stand tall and as an added bonus, your breasts look much more attractive.

2) Smoke. If you really want to turn men off big time, light a cigarette. When you do so you advertise that you’re a low-class woman; your hair, clothes, and breath will stink; you will taste horrible when kissed; you have no respect for your body or your health or your future appearance because you are guarantee to be very wrinkled, and wrinkled before your time. I don’t think I need to say more. Being a non-smoker will keep the door open to a classy, quality man.

3) Get drunk. This will advertise very nicely that you lack self-control, that you are blind to how embarrassing you are, how risky it will be that you will throw up, that you will most likely sleep with a man too easily. Ah yes, the lists goes on. This is especially effective on a first date with a quality man. Stick to one drink when you’re meeting a man and you’ll be safe from this turn off.

4) Swear. If you are looking for a man who doesn’t need to respect his woman, then swearing will certainly turn the classy, quality men off and get you the attention of crass, disrespectful, tacky men. In my opinion, a woman should never swear when someone she doesn’t know, or doesn’t know very well will

5) Let your body go to pot. Most men, even those who are way out of shape want a woman who appears healthy. Not skinny, just healthy. You don’t need to be a size 2. You can be a size 12 and be healthy. So if you want to turn men off, gain weight, don’t exercise, and to add a guarantee, ignore your hair, make-up, clothes and generally show that you have no respect for your body. That’ll pretty much do it.

If you do any of these things, just know that you are narrowing the field. Once we hit 40, we need all the help we can get so doing any of the above makes it more and more difficult to find a good man to share your life with.

Coming soon, to help you have the life and the love you want is Kara Oh’s School Of Charm,  Seduction and Feminine Grace. That’s all I can say about that right now.

From my heart to yours,
Kara
The Heart Specialist™

P.S. Get 2 Free dating advice reports to help you Date Smart

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 93121

I seem to always be harping on “being” beautiful… but it’s because that is the best way to get men to respond positively to you and most important, once he’s fallen in love with you, it keeps him in love. As I talk about in my book, Men Made Easy, to get a man to love you and stay in love is not so much how beautiful you are physically but whether or not you treat him in a beautiful way.

Well, a phenomenon that I’ve noticed is that when I have one little, tiny, itsy, bitsy thing cause me to get a little bit off center, then the next thing, which could be just as insignificant, causes me to react more strongly than if that first thing hadn’t pushed my buttons. Then then next thing causes me to over react even more… and on and on.

Does that happen to you? Once that gets started then everything seems to upset me. I call this the Doo-Doo Magnet Syndrome. It’s like you become a magnet for doo-doo once you are even a little bit off center. The reason this make syou “ugly” is because you generally get whiney, cranky, pissy, angry, negative, and sometimes all the above. Completely the opposite of beautiful.

Here’s what I do when I want to stop the cycle: I switch over to thinking of my many blessings, all that I’m grateful for. It’s not always easy, and usually not instantaneous, but if I want to shift back to my usual happy self, it always disconnects the doo-doo magnet and makes me feel a whole lot better.

Try it the next time the doo-doo starts piling up. You’ll be much more beautiful. If you don’t want to try it, it simply means you like being ugly. That’s certainly your prerogative but not conducive to creating a loving relationship, and certainly will never, ever make you attractive to a man, at least not a healthy man.

Inspiring you to love,
Kara
The Heart Specialist™
Get 2 FREE Dating Advice Ebooks
at DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

Have you created any heart connections with others lately? Sometimes life gets so busy we forget… I know I do. I’ve had a few lately. Sitting here in Hawai’i, feeding the birds on the lawn in front of our deck, I realize that an important heart connection to make is with ourselves. And being in nature seems to elicit those heart connections more effectively than just about anything else. Abraham Maslow calls them Peak Experiences.

When we can slow down enough to just “enjoy the birds” we have a better chance of just “being.” That slowing down allows the magic of heart connections to happen.

Two days ago a little brown bird came and visited me. He actually preferred eating out of my hand. I know this because there was food on the floor, the table, my chair and my hand. That little brown bird and swimming with manta rays has been the highlight of this two week vacation. None of these moments could have happened if I hadn’t slowed down. In the moments we can feel our hearts swelling with awe, we have a heart connection with ourselves and with God. After all, at our core is our Godself.

This evening we’re going to scuba dive with manta rays so I’m open to another delightful heart connection… with myself, with God and with those beautiful manta rays.

Another benefit of making opportunities to have heart connections is that the more we are in that state of being, we’re practicing Actually, we can use those momentsDD as a chance to practice just being in that state of openness so that when we interact with others, we are less and less likely to get triggered by our “stuff.” Just another good reason to spend time in nature.

Inspiring you to love,
Kara
The Heart Specialist™
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275

Well, Matt proposed to Shane on The Bachelor, Monday night. Of course the London guy who loves American Women would pick the quintessential California Girl. They’re really cute together right now, but I watched her on the Ellen DeGeneres show and Shane is doing things that will wear Matt down and he’ll leave her, neither of them realizing what went wrong. If women only knew how easily they mess things up and how easily they can turn things around. It  makes me crazy to watch their behavior… especially when I know at one time, they were really excited to find love and get married.

Shane and Matt could make it but only if she gets serious help. I would love to work with them and show show her what she’s doing wrong and how to get it right. I don’t offer tips, I actually help people change their behavior through heightened awareness, clear intentions, and step-by-step transformation of the energetic connection between two people. It’s really frustrating to have the path to rock-solid, enduring love and not be able to help each and every man and woman out there. So many mistakes… so little time.

Inspiring you to love,
Kara
The Heart Specialist™

Kara Oh
Get 2 FREE Dating eBooks at
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275
805-705-0561

I got a note from someone who signed up for my Dating Success Newsletter and she asked the following:

Should I be with this guy? He has addictive behavior… drinking. I want  to help him, but many say he is not my problem. So when do I walk away? I feel he is worth helping.

And my advice:

Dear M.,

I’m very happy you have chosen to receive my newsletter. I hope you find the two free ebooks informative. My mother has been in AA for the past 40 years. One thing I have learned by being around it and paying attention to what other women have gone through with their men is that you cannot help someone who is addictive. It will only drag you down. The person can only help themselves.

I teach women to have more respect for themselves. You should want a  man who is strong, capable, someone you can respect, someone who makes your life better, not filled with problems, someone who cherishes and adores you and would never want to create problems for you. When someone is addicted to anything, drugs, alcohol, gambling, women… they only care about getting more. They are not capable of caring about their partner. Yes, there are moments, but it’s not worth the heartache because YOU CANNOT FIX THEM… you cannot help them… they can only help themselves… and only after they hit bottom and have taken themselves and everyone around them down to that awful place.

Your friends are right… it’s not your problem and to get involved when you don’t have to is something you need to look at about yourself. You need to get to a point where you realize you deserve better. I hope you do. Yes, he is worth helping, but you are worth living a happy life where you don’t take on the problems of someone else. He’ll get help when he’s ready.

Inspiring you to love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
http://www.DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
28438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275
Ph: 805-687-2448

The problem with our fantasy based search for love is that we’ve got such a skewed idea of what love will look and feel like, that when it does arrive, we’re likely to miss it. Yes, in the beginning, it’s fun when the sparks fly and that chemistry thing is going hot and heavy, but, that doesn’t always happen. Often, we meet someone who has the qualities we’re looking for, but because the “chemistry isn’t there”, or he’s too short, or he laughs too loud, we write him off without giving him an opportunity to show that he actually is Mr. Right.

Chris didn’t like the way I looked in the photo I sent to him. But from what he was learning about me in our phone conversations prior to our first date, he knew he owed it to himself to at least meet. Fortunately for us, he has had a variety of serious relationships and knew to look beneath the surface, that time is required to move through the stages that all couples must move through in order to become a committed couple, and that I had unique qualities he’d never come across before. He was intrigued, to say the least.

Even though on “paper” we weren’t each other’s idea of the perfect match, we saw enough in each other’s hearts and souls to need to spend more time exploring the possibilities. We’re grateful that we saw enough in each other to keep searching for how good it could get. And with each passing month, as we’ve gotten to know each other better, it continues to get better and better.

How will you recognize the right man for you when you meet him? Do you know what qualities you’re looking for that will give you the kind of fulfilling relationship you seek? Or are you still being run by girlhood fantasies ans surface qualities? In my course, How To Recognize The Right Man For You, I teach not only what deeper qualities you should be looking for but I also show you how to determine your Intolerable Male Qualities™ so you don’t pick the wrong man. You have to know both to get the relationship you want.

With much love,
Kara

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™
Get 2 FREE eBooks at
DatingSuccessTechnology.com

Relationship Success Systems, Inc.
29438 Quailwood Drive
Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 90275