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April 8th , 2008

Isn't it fascinating when we can be so successful in one area of our lives, feel completely confident in our abilities, and then in another, be insecure and unclear about how to get what we want. Many of the men and women I've been working with lately have been exhibiting this phenomenon. They're extremely successful. All went to college for many years, shed blood, sweat, maybe some tears, and in many cases, borrowed money to get their degrees, all because they knew it was a requirement if they were to accomplish their
career goals. They knew that without the education, they didn't have a chance at landing a well-paying, respectable job.

So why is it that when it comes to such an important part of a person's life as their relationship, they think it's unnecessary or unromantic to do the same thing... to methodically learn what will be necessary to be successful? As Judith Sills, Ph.D. says in her book, A Fine Romance, "In matters of the heart, you allow yourself to cling to the fantasy that, while everything else in life is a result of your efforts, love is a state into which you simply fall. It will hit you like a thunderbolt or sneak up from behind and plant a gentle announcement kiss on your cheek."

The reason I bring this up is because more and more, I interact with women who have actually told me that they don't have any issues that need to be dealt with, and now they're just waiting for the right man to come along. My questions to them is, "And what will you do differently in future relationships than you did in your previous failed relationships?" They never have an answer for me. I don't know who originally said this, some say it comes from
Alcoholics Anonymous, but it's so true, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results." So congratulations to all of you who are consciously choosing to do things differently. I've spoken to many of you. And they're experiencing how empowering it feels to be in charge of their outcome.

My M.D., a couple of weeks ago said, when I was sharing some doubts that I was having that was affecting my health and energy level, "Kara, you need to reconnect to your Source." Then, several days later, David Neagle, my mentor said, "Kara, ask yourself whenever you go into that place where you feel unsure of yourself, 'Does this make me happy?'" And Chris, when I told him about my conversation with David offered his version when he suggested that I ask myself, "Kara, does this make you feel lovable?" All were reminding me: "Kara, live from what you deeply care about and enjoy being yourself." Since then I've felt more "in charge" of how things in my life are working. Like I said, "It's empowering to be in charge of your outcome." (And by the way, everyone has issues. It's part of living fully. If someone you're dating tells you they don't have any issues, that's a red flag.)

You can take charge of the outcome of your interactions with men but not be doing things the same way you always have. You need to consciously, step-by-step change what you're doing. When you're ready, I'm ready to help.

In this issue:
1) The Love Triangle™ Revisited
2) A Lesson From Jack Canfield
3) A Lesson From Randy Pausch - From His Last Lecture
4) I'm Proud To Be One Among Many
5) Are You Missing Out?

1) The Love Triangle™ Revisited

It's important to realize that to begin to do things differently, you must first become aware of what you're doing wrong or at least, not as effectively as you could be doing something. The first step is Awareness, the first side of my Love Triangle. The problem with becoming aware of how our behavior, reactions and beliefs are impacting our outcome, is that it's so darned difficult to see our own errors. We're too close. It's like trying to explain water to a fish. Until you pull the fish out of the fish tank, and show the water to it, they just won't get it. That's my job, to take you out of the water, show you how to step back and see how what you've been doing is the very reason you haven't been able to create the relationship your heart is longing for. Now that I'm being given the opportunity to work with people who have booked a Personal Dating Diagnostic, it's even more fulfilling than I thought it would be to hear someone say, "Oh, now I see." And, even though we're on the phone, I can feel their awareness shift. Book your Personal Dating Diagnostic (one hour on the phone with me) and let's get your love life moving forward.

To raise your level of awareness, I recommend you take the Dating Fitness Quiz, even if you already did it once. And read my ebook, 15 Dating Mistakes. If you haven't read it, you can write to me and I'll send it to you.

Again referring to the Love Triangle described in my previous newsletters: In addition to this first side of Awareness – which is essential to change – there is the second side that is your
Intention, which can become your conscious choice once you become Aware. The third side of the Love Triangle, your Energy, shifts when your Awareness wakes you up, followed by your Intention causing you to make new and better choices. Your energy, which you broadcast to the world, and to men in particular, will shift as you react in new ways and see your life changing.

This week, see what kind of awareness you notice by just paying closer attention to your behavior, your reaction to others, to your self-talk, and to how your energy is being affected by all of that. With each level of new awareness, you are able to clarify your intention, choose more wisely, and enjoy more powerful energy. When your energy is expanded so is your Glow Flow™, what I teach in Let The Real You Shine Through. Reconnect to Source and you're unstoppable. That's what I've been experiencing this week as my awareness has raised to new levels, my intention is strengthened and my energy is making me feel like I can do everything I want. So can you.

2) A Lesson From Jack Canfield

Jack Canfield is someone I really respect and admire. In the April 15th issue of Bottom Line Personal, Jack talks about his newest book, You've Got To Read This Book! 55 People Tell the Story of the Book That Changed Their Lives (Collins). Jack's life-changing book was "Life After Life by Raymond a Moody, M.D. Moody discovered that many people who had survived near-death experiences said they were asked two questions by a "being of light" that loved them unconditionally. The two questions are: "What wisdom have you gained from this life?" and "How have you expanded your capacity to love?"

In all my courses these two questions are themes throughout. Even in How To Stop Sabotaging Your Dating Success, Step 19 asks how you are nourishing your mind – which in the context of dating makes you more interesting and interested; Step 20 encourages you to always work toward becoming your best. Expanding your capacity to love and be loved is the purpose of all that I teach. Thank you, Jack, for being so wise as to notice the value of these two questions. Jack is living proof that this kind of thinking works. When you consciously adopt new ways of seeing the world through new awareness, you'll begin to transform your relationships and your entire life.

3) A Lesson From Randy Pausch - From His Last Lecture

Another teacher who has recently become a world-wide inspiration, was asked to give a "last lecture" at his university. But between accepting this challenge and the date set for his giving his "last lecture," he learned that he had pancreatic cancer with only months to live. Instead of backing out of the obligation, he chose to go ahead, inspired that someday his 3 small children would hear his "last lecture." Little did he know that he soon would be sharing his wisdom with the world. Last Sunday's LA Times Parade magazine summarized the 7 primary points he shared in his "last lecture", which I offer here: Always Have Fun, Dream Big, Ask for What You Want, Dare To Take a Risk, Look for the Best In Everybody, Make
Time for What Matters, and Let Kids Be Themselves. What does this have to do with creating a fulfilling relationship? If you could live your life following Randy Pausch's seven points; and in particular, take his last point and change it to Let You Be Yourself, you'd find that you're more attractive and appealing as a woman, happier and living life more fully... which is Step 21 in my course mentioned above, Celebrate Being Alive. Think about it? If you met a man who was living life this positively, wouldn't you be interested? The same goes for you.
Randy Pausch's Last Lecture can be viewed here

A very touching trailer for the interview by Diane Sawyer that will
be aired Wednesday evening on ABC can be viewed here

And here's the Parade article

Be inspired by Randy's life. As I teach in How To Stop Sabotaging Your Dating Success (maybe it should be How To Stop Sabotaging Your Life), become a 21-Stepper, Celebrate Being Alive! When you learn to do that, your entire life will begin to glow more brightly.

4) I'm Proud To Be One Among Many

I just love serendipity. I went to an Alexandria Brown workshop a little over a year ago. There were people there from all over the country. Sitting next to me was an attractive woman with what I can only describe as "shiny energy." When we introduced ourselves to each other, it turned out that she lives in Santa Barbara, not very far from where I live. We've stayed in touch all this time, meeting occasionally for lunch, and recently, she came to my birthday party.

Lauren has put together a wonderful series of interviews of 16 authors, one of which is me. You can register for the series by simply purchasing her inspiring book, Give Wings To Your Dream. Give Wings To Your Dreams: Reawaken Your Joy and Passion for Life by Lauren E. Sullivan. This award-winning book offers inspiration and practical guidance for women experiencing stress, burnout or blues to design happier, more balanced lives. Buy it now and you’ll gain admission to an extraordinary teleseminar event. For more information go here

5) Are You Missing Out?

If you haven't become a member of Dating Success Technology yet, you might not know that I've been offering weekly Member Only TeleClasses. This Thursday evenings' topic is "Are you harboring anger and resentment towards men and how is it keeping you from the love you seek?" This week's Weekly Assignment corolates with this topic. Why not become a member for a 2-month *FREE* trial period and see if you like receiving individual attention. I want to get to know each of you better so I can better help you transform your love life! Your becoming a member is a great way for me to do that for you. To learn what else you get by being a member, go here

With much love,

Kara Oh
The Heart Specialist™

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