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Women's Dating Success Newsletter

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June 26th , 2008

I hope you're having fun this summer and that none of you or your loved ones are in the flooding in the Midwest or the fires in Northern California. I was in St. Maartin last week. It was gorgeous to have a condo on the third floor overlooking the ocean and the beach. We did not have internet in our room though so I only went down to the lobby every couple of days to check email.

In this issue:
1) You Don't Have To Be Skinny But...
2) You Color Your Experiences
3) There's No Such Thing As A Mistake

1) You Don't Have To Be Skinny But...

It made me laugh when I first wrote that title. What came to mind was: You Don't Have To Be A Skinny Butt. Just my silly child mind coming out to play.

Because you're reading this, it's a given that you're either thinking about dating and not quite out the door yet, you're actively dating, or you've got a man and you want to either keep him or get him to want to commit to marriage, or, I know a couple of you who are trying to win back an ex. If there's another situation then send me a note. But no matter where you are, if you are looking for your true love and a long-term committed relationship, you know you need to be as attractive as you possibly can. No man will see your beautiful spirit if the outside isn't healthy. You'll actually be pretty much invisible to men.

Bottom line is that you want to "attract" a man. So how attractive do you feel? You can do a quick fix with a new hair style, a make-up make-over, a few new pieces to update your wardrobe... but that body of yours. How do you feel about that? Unless you're completely pleased with your body, a quick fix won't work. Most women I know are a little bit or a lot over weight. I'm here to tell you, as an expert on men, you don't need to be skinny but you do need to be healthy. When you feel healthy you feel good about your body. When you feel good about your body you are like a magnet to men. And life is just happier.

I have a friend who is such an inspiration. Her name is Lisa Crisalle. I'd been watching her and her husband grow their health and nutrition business for a while. But I finally met her when she had just announced that she was going to start training to compete in Figure Competitions. She seemed fit to me then but oh, my gawd!, you should see her now. She is the poster child for fitness and that means for all women, not just women over 40. I saw her at a party recently and she knocked my socks off.

She has a program called Over Forty, Fit, & Fabulous! So I'm going to start doing her Mind, Body & Nutrition program because, even though my weight is almost where I want it, I'm not quite where I want to be.

Won't you join me in finally getting as fit as I know you want to be? You can start right now by signing up for her F R E E Goodies to get you started. I signed up just now myself. I'm excited to see what she has beyond the F R E E starter kit because I'm going for it. How about you? Shall we do it together? If you want, we could form a little support group to share our progress. Let me know if you want to participate and if enough of you want to do this, I think I can convince Lisa to work with us as a group. Get her F R E E eBook, Articles and information here and let's get started on getting Fabulous right now.

2) You Color Your Experiences

Your perception of every experience you have, from the mundane to the hyper extreme causes you to have a different sense of it from someone else. Maybe you go on a date and the salad has a few wilted leaves in it. You can focus on those wilted leaves, make up how bad the restaurant is, how uncaring and unobservant the waiter is and make yourself miserable for the rest of the evening. And guess what? Your date will be miserable as well. Not only miserable, he may be thinking, "Wow, this is a really negative, high-maintenance woman and I will never ask her out again."

Or, you could assume that no one noticed wilted leaves, pick them out and continue to focus on your date. You both had a good time and he thinks you're great. Hey, you are great! The leaves are still wilted but in one scenario you had a bad time and in the other, you had fun. It's all in how you choose to be in each experience and interaction with others. The next time you catch yourself going into a whine fest, a pitty party or a game of "ain't it awful" stop and notice if you're willing to be positive and upbeat. Sometimes you'll realize that it's hard to choose to be joyful. If that happens, just notice what kind of pay-off you're getting for staying down in the doo doo.

3) There's No Such Thing As A Mistake

Do you waste energy regretting things you've done in the past? Do you go over mistakes in your mind, often re-living them years later? Maybe you broke up with an ex and have regretted it ever since. We feel regret because we think we've made a mistake. But I don't believe there's such a thing as a mistake as long as you reap the benefits encased in every so-called mistake. What lesson can you learn? How can you become a smarter, wiser, better person for having gone through that event? How can you pass along what you learned? If you find there are old events that you keep dredging up and they just cycle round and round in your mind, year after year, maybe it's time to find out the gift that it can become. The best way I've found to do this is to go into a light meditation and ask your Inner Wise Woman to help you solve the mystery. If you aren't used to meditating and doing guided visualization, you can learn how in this article

While in that quite state simply go back to a past experience, allow yourself to get into the feelings of when it happened and ask your Inner Wise Woman what you are supposed to learn, why you had to go through that experience. There is always an answer and when you have it and can use it to improve yourself, it is not longer a mistake but a blessing.

This topic was inspired by an article by the amazingly insightful Martha Beck in this month's (July) Oprah magazine. The title of the article is Who's Sorry Now? If you think regrets are keeping you stuck, not able to move on with your life I highly recommend you pick up a copy of this magazine and study the article. It has how-tos for getting you beyond the regret an on to your beautiful life. It's waiting for you... just around the corner.

Please share your insights, questions or thoughts on any of the articles above. I enjoy knowing how you're growing. You can use this contact form.

Inspiring you to love,

Kara Oh