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May 24th , 2008

I told you I wouldn't forget about you while on vacation so here's this week's newsletter.

Hawaii is heavenly. There's something about this kind of weather that makes me feel so at home and at peace with myself. I'm not sure about past lives but my affinity for this tropical weather and environment makes me wonder. Tonight we went snorkeling with manta rays. It was magical as the ray circled just inches from us, as it gathered plankton in it's gaping maw. it was like watching water ballet. There wasn't a moment I was scared, just in awe. If you're ever on the Big Island, be sure and do it. We'll maybe do a scuba night dive with the mantas in a few days. Here's a beautiful video of manta rays I found for you on YouTube

In this issue:
1) What Is A Soul Mate?
2) Who's Soul Mate Are You?
3) What She's Doing Wrong
4) Update on Dating Basics Course and Teleseminar

1) What Is A Soul Mate?
Since adding the questions to my landing page asking you what you're looking for, what your challenges are and how I can help, many of you say you want to find your soul mate. If you're willing, before you read any further, please stop and write your definition of a soul mate. Go into as much detail as possible. What it is, why you want it, how it will benefit you, everything. Writing is a very powerful and enlightening exercise. See what you can learn about yourself.

I hope you did that exercise, but if you're like most people, you didn't. It's your choice and your loss or gain.

I believe most people expect their soul mate to complete them, to cause their life to finally "fall into place. That's not how it works. One woman I worked with thought life with her soul mate would be smooth and filled with ease. Maybe some think a soul mate is like a sock mate, identical in every way, like an opposite gender version of you. I would be bored to tears to have someone just like me as my partner.

A romantic relationship is the most intimate relationship you'll have, even more than those relationships with family members. That's because we have to be so much more vulnerable with our romantic partner, or at least we should be. A true soul mate is someone who challenges you to be the best you can be, then gives you the loving support to do so. All relationships will challenge you, but only a soul mate will support, encourage and love you toward your highest self.

I've said for years that "relationship is the fast track to self discovery." But only if you're willing to take on that challenge. It's not easy to look at yourself when things aren't going well and see your part in the problem. I hate it when Chris (my fiance') causes me to look at myself. I want to be right... after all, I'm supposed to have all the answers, aren't I? One thing I've learned, and I really hate it, is that the more resistant I am to what he's saying, the more he is right. He doesn't find his own learning that pleasant either. So because Chris challenges then supports and loves me to become my very best, he is a true soul mate. And I am a soul mate to him.

Did you notice I said "a" soul mate. I believe we have any number of potential soul mates. Some show up at a time when we have certain lessons to learn, and others show up because they have the heart and soul to give us the safe haven to grow. If you want to become your best then you probably have a different description of your soul mate from what you wrote above. If you don't want to grow, then you can continue to have the same results (or worse) that you've gotten thus far. And if you don't want to grow, you will no doubt unsubscribe from this newsletter. My sole purpose in life is to inspire you to do the work required to be happy, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. But knowing that I'm here, willing to hold your hand as you travel on your sometimes dark and stormy path, you can be certain that at the other end will be not only sunshine, but rainbows and fluffy clouds.

2) Who's Soul Mate Are You?
As long as we're on the topic of soul mates, let's dig a bit deeper. Following are some exercises you can do that will help you gain more clarity about what kind of man you're looking for. For those of you who have purchased my self-guided courses, you know I'm big on doing exercises and processes because they're so effective in making real changes. The following exercises are the type that are in Let The Real You Shine Through and How To Recognize The Right Man For You. My job as your relationship trainer is to challenge you to build your "love" muscles so you can not only love more fully and freely but attract a higher quality partner who can not only challenge you, but lovingly support you to become your very best. How could I want anything less for you than I have myself?

The more you know and understand yourself, the more you will become your best, allowing you to attract a higher quality man. If you want to improve your life, do these exercises with your fullest effort. If you aren't willing, then you must not think you're worth the effort.

Step #1: Write a list of the qualities you are looking for in your ideal partner, your soul mate. Be as detailed as possible.

Step #2: On another piece of paper, look at each of those qualities and ask yourself, "Why do I seek this quality?" Write in as much detail your answer for each item on your list.

Step #3: How do you compare as the ideal woman he's looking for? Go down each item on your list and with total honesty, ask if you are the woman he is looking for.

Step #4: What can you do and what are you willing to do to become this man's ideal partner, the woman he is seeking? This is not about you changing into something you're not, but rather becoming your very best. When you do that, more high quality men will be attracted to you. If you are not willing to do the work necessary to continually improve, then the only possibility is for you to lower your standards.

Note: Pay attention to how uncomfortable this exercise makes you feel. It might make you angry, it might make you sad, it might make you excited at the possibilities awaiting you. You get to choose whether or not you want to improve yourself. If you are not willing or interested in doing so then you are not willing or interested in becoming a happier, more fulfilled woman. You get to choose. But know this, it will not always be comfortable, as I can attest because I'm going through one of those soul searching times to get at a very deep part of me that is keeping me from moving to the next level of growth. But I've been doing my personal growth work for 22 years and no matter how dark it gets, I trust, and have never, ever been let down, there is always more light, more love and more joy at the other end. I expect no less once I've gotten through this current learning.

To assist you in becoming your very best, you'll want to order Let The Real You Shine Through. It will guide you, step-by-step, to become a happier, more glowing woman, able to attract a soul mate that will make your heart sing. With your 2 month's f r e e membership, you save $100. Are you worth the effort to do the work required to become happier? Only you know the answer to that. And to discover the secret to manifesting your ideal partner you'll certainly want to order How To Recognize The Right Man For You.

3) What She's Doing Wrong

Last week I asked you to see if you could figure out what the young California Girl (Shane), who snagged the Bachelor (Matt), was doing that would guarantee that he would dump her at some point. Your and my responses to her behavior are below. You can see her "performance" on the Ellen DeGeneres show here if you want to see why I think she's blowing it.

Here are some of your responses:
1. She doesn't let him get a word in edgewise and it's all about her.
(I agree and it will only get worse.)
2. Shane was too domineering.
(A woman can get her way but not by emasculating a man, which domineering certainly fits that category.)
3. She's behaving like a ho.
(This gave me a good laugh.)
4. their body language didn't seem loving.
(Often a tell-tale sign things aren't as good as they say they are.)

And here are mine:
Mostly, Shane is emasculating Matt, the very worst thing a woman can do. She did so in several ways in the short time she was with Ellen.

First, she talked about how she'd kicked him out of their room and made him sleep on the balcony after watching one of the final shows in the series. I think that's childish and selfish behavior but to talk about it on national television is a huge put down.

Then she called him her "Little Mathew," which is mothering behavior and always, always emasculating.

Finally, she grabbed his chin as a mother would do to a child. Another emasculation.

Right now he's starry-eyed. He's in America, he's with an American actress who has a famous actor father, his fiance' is a beautiful blond California Girl... He's completely enamored with the whole thing. But once the newness wears off, if she keeps treating him this way, he's going to begin to recoil from her snipping away at his manhood. He will eventually leave her and neither of them will know why because most men aren't consciously aware when women emasculate them and Shane certainly doesn't realize she's doing it.

As long as we're on the subject, another common way women emasculate men is to roll their eyes and make them out to be buffoons (you see this in sitcoms and commercials) and when they put men down, especially in front of family, friends, and co-workers.

4) Update on Dating Basics Course and Teleseminar
I'm moving forward on my new Dating Basics course. I will launch it on June 25th with a one time only live teleseminar so mark the date on your calendar. A sneak peek: You'll know how to have a great first date, even if you aren't interested in going out with him again.

Inspiring you to love,

Kara Oh