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September 8th, 2008

My doggies are snoring where they like to lay by my side, here in my bright, sunny office. Sam (Samantha) waits patiently for attention, completely confident that it will be coming her way... and it always does. Chloe has A.D.D. and is in your face, begging for attention, pushing Sam aside, jumping, nipping, wagging her whole body, not just her tail. She does get attention but a little bit of Chloe goes a long way.

(Sam, with the soulful eyes is on the left, and you can see that Chloe is ready for action)

Do you know people like this? There are a couple of people in my life like this. My heart goes out to them because I know they are hungry for attention, acceptance and love. But, just like Chloe, a little goes a long way. I can only handle being in their presence for a limited period of time. I hope you are the kind of person who people really enjoy and seek out your company. It makes life very nice.

In this issue:
1) 6 Fun Questions For First Dates
2) How Good Are You At Giving Compliments, Appreciation and Acknowledgments?
3) Something Big Is In The Air
4)Can I Come and Meet You?

1) 6 Fun Questions For First Dates

One of the biggest mistakes women make (and sometimes men) is that they grill a man with questions that make him feel like he's there for a job interview. "Do you want to get married?" "By when?" "Do you want children?" "How soon and how many?" "What kind of job do you have?" "Do you own your own home?" "Where is your home?" Do you see how a man might react to this type of questioning? A date should be fun, not torture.

On the first date, there should be 3 goals:
1. Help him feel relaxed (which helps you feel relaxed),
2. enjoy each other's company,
3. learn about each other in a fun way. Period.

Remember, this is not the first step in getting married. It's just a date.

With the following questions, you can achieve all 3 of these goals. That's because they're playful, curious, not intimidating, and you can both answer the questions, creating a fun conversation where you can relax, enjoy each other and learn who the other person is. But don't go down the list, one after the other. Just work them into the conversation naturally. And don't forget the first rule of being a great conversationalist: be a good listener.

1. What historical figure would you like to talk to and what would you say?
2. What do you think people most admire about you?
3. What makes you unique.
4. What are you really good at?
5. What is your favorite way to spend time with friends?
6. What are you most proud of?

2) How Good Are You At Giving Compliments, Appreciation and Acknowledgments?

I was talking with my newest member and she mentioned that it was uncomfortable to give compliments, appreciation and acknowledgments. (For this discussion, let's call them CAAs) I told her that would be a good topic for an article, and if she'd didn't mind, I would coach her at them same time I coached everyone who receives this newsletter. As you may have noticed, I call myself The Heart Whisperer™. The simplest way to get past any discomfort you might be having offering CAAs is to do the following:

A. Remember that everyone, I mean everyone, craves CAAs. Even the most famous, powerful and wealthy. Actually, the desire for CAAs is what drives many who have achieved much.

B. Realize that offering any one of the CAAs sincerely, will make the other person feel good. Part of sincerity is to only offer a CAA when you feel compelled to do so, not to get someone to like you or to manipulate them in any way. Yes, I advise strongly that part of dating smart is to offer CAAs often. But they need to come from your heart to be sincere. You must really mean it, be truly impressed and then enjoy offering it.

C. Expect nothing in return. Look at any offering of CAAs as little gifts, wrapped up with a bow, simply to make someone feel good. If you imagine that your heart energy is reaching out to theirs then it will become easy to CAA just about anyone.

And on that note, if you have been uncomfortable giving compliments, appreciation and acknowledgments, it seems reasonable that you would need to practice. So the best way to practice is to start with little children. They are always the least intimidating. And I try to avoid telling a child they're cute or pretty. We focus too much on appearances so I don't want to add to that. So I often look for the one thing that might become an issue later in life. If they have freckles, tell them how special and unique their freckles make them, or if they have red hair, tell them how beautiful their hair is, or if it's a little boy, tell them, "Wow, I really like your red hair. It's great." Or if you have a conversation with a child, end by telling them how smart they are. Realize that you could be that stranger they remember who made them feel good about themselves when everyone around them is putting them down. Or if a little boy jumps off a step, tell him how strong or athletic or powerful he is. Can you feel how this type of awareness and caring comes from the heart? Once you become a natural at doing this with children, start doing the same thing with adults who are completely un intimidating. Offer them at work, to your family, to your friends, and yes, even to the men you date. As you become comfortable with each stage, you'll eventually become a natural at offering CAAs and a side affect is that you will be liked by others more than ever.

3) Something Big Is In The Air

In the next week or two, I will be making an announcement that will be surprising. I am working hard to create something that is the most exciting thing I've ever done with my work. So I just want to let you know that I am going to be making an offer that will be bigger than anything I've ever offered before. And it feels so good that my heart is bursting to tell you... but I'm going to wait until everything is in place. Just stay tuned.

4) Can I Come and Meet You?

I've been working towards a log held goal of speaking. I got hooked in high school when I was invited to speak to the congregation at church and I was hooked. Hooked on making people feel deeply, on offering information that could be transformative and yes, I admit it, on the compliments, appreciation and acknowledgments. There's nothing that inspires me more. So, if you are in California and have a group that needs a speaker, you can go to my speaker website and see what I have to offer. Go to KaraOhSpeaker.com

Do you know how much I appreciate that you stay on my mailing list, opening my newsletters, writing to me to tell me that something I said helped open your eyes or showed you a better way to interact with someone. You inspire me and I appreciate you more than you can know. Thank you for trusting me to share my heart with you.

Read past newsletters here

Register for the Committed Couples Newsletter here

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer ^(TM)

Kara Oh
Your Relationship Mentor
Kara's Philosophy

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